Hello everyone! It feels great to be back in the blog-o-sphere!!! I was going to start this week with a much heavier subject, but I'll save that one for later. It's summer here in the Northern Hemisphere and you know what that means: It's Wedding Season. One thing I tend to see with a lot of couples is that they tend to constantly say how much they love each other, but are super scared to broach the serious, hard-hitting subjects that can end up tearing the marriage apart! So I created a spread to help you all out with that. I recommend that each person in the relationship use a full deck to do the spread and discuss it along the way.
1. Arguments: How do you argue? Do you curse at each other or is that a no-no? Are you ok with going to bed angry? A card in this position might help you figure out what you do when you get mad with your spouse, and then you can all talk about what you find acceptable and what is definitely not ok.
2. Quirks: How do you feel about your partners quirks? Can you deal with them. Get this out before you tie the knot.
3. Children: Do you want kids? How many? When? Do you want to adopt? Who is expected to do the "child rearing" or will it be a completely joint effort? Is one person going to stay at home or are you both going to work? Some people still believe in traditional roles, and that is totally fine as long as everyone is on board. Others share every responsibility which is also great, again, as long as everyone knows that is the game plan. Getting this figured out now will help in the long run.
4. Religion: Is your faith or lack thereof important to you? Are there certain celebrations or holidays that are important? Do you expect someone to convert? If you do have/want children, do you want them to follow a certain faith. This is especially important for interfaith marriages.
5. Money: This is a big one that has a few different factors to it.
-Spending: What do you consider a lot of money? How do you spend money?
-Bills, bills, bills: Will all money be shared or will you both have separate bank accounts or will you have you one money and a shared account?
-Debt: I'm assuming you had this conversation by if you didn't... NOW IS THE TIME.
Bonus: If one person makes more money, pull a card for each and see how everyone feels about that. Because we all know that can be a huge point of contention in a relationship
6. Time Apart: How do you feel about spending time apart? Do you like to take separate vacations? While it is totally healthy for everyone to have their own interest, how much time apart is too much time apart?
7. In-Laws: Oh this is big one. The card will let you know how you feel about your partner's in-laws. This gives you a chance to talk about how they treat you and how much say you think they should have in your relationship.
8. Sex and Affection: Man oh man. Now we are getting right to it. How do you feel about sex? I'm sure you have come by this subject but ask your partner how many times a week do they expect to have sex? Do you feel comfortable expressing your sexual fantasies with your partner? Over time this usually changes, but this is a conversation you want to have periodically so everyone is on the same page.
9. Cheating: What do you consider cheating? Is emailing/texting/DM-ing/whatever else other people cheating? Oh and don't forget porn. For some people pornography is a form of cheating. How do you feel about your partner going to strip clubs or watching porn? Talk about it.
10. Long Term Goals: Obviously as your marriage continues, your goals will obviously change. But what is your definition of a successful marriage?
Depending on your own personalized situation, you may also want to pull some cards for things like:
-What would you do with elderly parents?
-How do you feel about baby mamas/baby daddys?
-Anything else you can think of!
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